Transcript

Jay

Hey Siri, do you have time to game anymore? [Siri: “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t have an answer to that”].

Jay

[Laughing] that’s a good one.

Dave

[Chuckles] On the padcast [stumbles]…

Jay

[Mean laughing].

Dave

On the podcast this week we talk about…

Jay

[Bursts out laughing].

Dave

That’s good!

Dave

This week on the podcast we talk about Super Mash…[stumbles] … let’s start again.

Jay

[Laughing, again]

Dave

Let’s start again.

Dave

On this week’s podcast we are talking about Red Dead Redemption we’re talking about Halloween, we’re talking about the PlayStation classic, Super Smash Brothers, some more Red Dead Redemption, some PlayStation furniture, and we’re going to finish off with one of our questions, and we hope you enjoy the show.

Jay

15.

Dave

…15th episode of I Don’t Have Time To Game Anymore, who would have thought we’d be around this long? To all of our listeners, we thank you for keeping this podcast going, With your generous donations [laughing].

Jay

Well, it’s coming up to the year mark now. I think it was January we started it.

Dave

Yeah, well it’s time to get serious now, right?

Jay

Yep.

Dave

We’re going for it. Well, welcome anyway, listeners. We’re happy to have you again, My name is David, and this is my co-host, Jay. What’s been going on Jay?

Jay

Well, a couple of minutes ago I was telling you about how I smashed my iPhone.

Dave

You did.

Dave

That was good enough to save for the intro to the show. You just reminded me actually, something that’s quite interesting, is that you know the new iPad that was announced a few days ago?

Dave

Yeah.

Jay

Apparently, on the graphics front, it’s as powerful as an Xbox One S.

Dave

Do you think Xbox is shitting itself?

Jay

Erm…

Dave

I wouldn’t game on an iPad anyway.

Jay

Yeah, you say that but I wonder whether it’s not just our generation not warming up to it, you know?

Dave

Yeah but it’s like saying, like, I did that 23andme thing, and it said that I had the genetic makeup of an elite athlete, so that’s very similar to that iPad scenario.

Jay

Well, it’s bullshit.

Dave

No, but I could be like an elite athlete if I put the hours in. So I’ve got all the makeup, but it’s not saying I’m going to do it. So it’s like the iPad, it’s not going to start bashing out at triple A titles.

Jay

You reckon it’s just a number of hours you need to put in?

Dave

Just hours, just hours! I’m just going to put half a day aside.

Jay

[Laughing].

Dave

Usain Bolt looks to the right of him and just sees me after half a day, ready to go.

Jay

[Laughing]. I think that’s a marketing gimmick by 23andme just so you recommend it to your friends.

Dave

Yep, I’m walking at the start line next to Usain Bolt, and I just drop my 23andme results next to him, and he starts shitting himself. “He’s got the makeup of an elite athlete!

Jay

He does a false start [laughing], and the pistol goes off.

Dave

Umm, I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing. Well, it’s not what I’ve been doing but what I’ve not been doing comma I’ve not been f** playing Red Dead Redemption, and we all know that’s out now.

Jay

[Moans] yeah.

Dave

All I see is people playing Red Dead Redemption, and I refer to those people as bastards!

Jay

[Laughing]. I almost picked it up, it’s not like I can’t afford it or anything, it’s more like I can’t afford the time.

Dave

Oh, and it is a time sink! I hear this is a slow paced game, am I going to go into that in the news. I think you need to make a cup of coffee for yourself in the morning and stuff.

Jay

What, in the game?

Dave

Yeah!

Jay

Oh, I thought you meant in real life. I thought it was a prerequisite to playing the game.

Dave

Yeah, it probably would be for me! Because if I did play it would have to be in the dead of night when all my family are asleep. So I definitely need to pump some coffee into my veins. I’m still slogging my way through Horizon zero Dawn! I’m halfway through I think.

Jay

Are you? I’m jealous of that.

Dave

Yeah, I sort of want to finish it though. I’m getting to the stage where I’m looking online, trying to find out how many missions are left. So the enjoyment Factor is kind of going, I just want to get it out of the way. Oh! Halloween, we missed Halloween in between episodes period did you get up too much for Halloween Jay?

Jay

Um, It’s not really a thing here in the UK. It’s definitely an American thing.

Dave

And are you a big believer in Halloween? [Laughing]

Jay

We don’t answer the door. And we don’t have any kind of pot of candy.

Dave

[Bursts out laughing]. You just have an empty bowl. So what, You don’t answer the door? They just keep on knocking?

Jay

No, we do not answer the door.

Dave

[Laughing] They see Jay smiling at the window, as the knocks keep on coming. Glass of wine in hand, just smiling out, looking across the land.

Jay

I think that’s even weirder, that’s almost like a good taste of Halloween, that’s weird isn’t it? Maybe people will get a kick out of it—[mock voice]”oh, there’s a freak in that house!”

Dave

“He’s put the effort in this Halloween, he looks right mental!”

Jay

[Laughing].

Dave

For every knock on the door; you remove a piece of clothing.

Gaming News

Dave

Let’s move onto the news but before we do I want to say I think, Jay, you are our listeners an apology— I think you did something very naughty last episode. Tell your captain the truth!

Jay

The boo box!

Dave

What did you do Jay? What did you do the last episode? I think it’s good for you to say it, it’s like a repenting of sins.

Jay

I think I miscalculated the number of Forza sequels.

Dave

Fucking hell, shame! Shame!

Jay

Listening back to the episode, I did find it funny how cocksure I was about it.

Dave

Yeah, I know.

Jay

But at the same time, I’m not sorry about it because I counted…

Dave

Oh, so you haven’t repented have you?

Jay

No, I take back any kind of feeling of repent. Do you know there have been 11 Forza games if you count both series?

Dave

Doesn’t matter, you wouldn’t say Mario was like—we’re on Mario 2500, or anything—they’re different games, they bring out different series. What did you say, Forza 6?

Jay

Yeah, well the funny thing is I wouldn’t even be right if we were talking about the standard series because we’re on Forza 7 at the moment.

Dave

Picture this Jay, one of our listeners goes into the game shop, asks for Forza 6…

Jay

[Laughing] they would look like a right mug wouldn’t they?! Or she…

Dave

[Laughing] …or she! They’ve got a secret vendetta against you now. This was supposed to be an apology, but it doesn’t feel like it.

Jay

No, it’s more of a correction and apology I think.

The PlayStation Classic Lineup

Dave

Ok, news. The PlayStation classic lineup was announced—the full lineup. Are you interested in the PlayStation classic, Jay?

Jay

No, this for me falls into the bracket of backwards compatible games; retro gaming…

Dave

Which we talked about before.

Jay

Yeah, I don’t really…

Dave

A lot of people were pissed because they left out a lot of their favourites. I’m sure you can’t please all.

Jay

Well, this is what I was thinking—the games must be so small, why don’t they just put the whole catalogue in? It can’t be that big.

Dave

Maybe they’re bringing out PlayStation classic 2.

Jay

No one’s going to be interested in that, are they? They should have just bunged it all in.

Dave

One of the reasons I think they left out some of the games—so they left out Crash Bandicoot, Spyro…

Jay

That’s because they’re being remade though.

Dave

Exactly! So if they brought them out as a classic people might think “f***, I’m not getting the remade version”. Also, people are saying “ why have they done Resident Evil 1, rather than Resident Evil 2?” because people are saying that Resident Evil 2 is the better Resident Evil—it’s because they are remaking Resident Evil 2, as well, and they don’t want to take any gloss out of that.

Jay

I mean, to be fair Dave, they’ve re-made Resident Evil 1.

Dave

I know, but Resident Evil 2 is going to be released in, what? Early 2019? Do you care about the lineup?

Jay

I wonder who this is for then, do you know what I mean? I thought maybe, maybe you could just give it to your kids because there will just be loads and loads of games and they will never get bored, but to them, it’ll look like shit. It’s definitely a nostalgia thing, isn’t it?

Dave

It’s definitely for nostalgia! Because I am pumped—I am ready for the announcement of the N64 Mini. I will get it.

Jay

Would you really?!

Dave

I would, I would.

Jay

What, even when we talk about how much we don’t have time to game?

Dave

It’s nostalgia in a box, basically, for me.

Jay

Do you not think it’ll only happen when you get drunk off white wine?

Dave

Straight after every podcast! I play the N64 classic.

Jay

That’s an in-joke there because Dave has run out of beer, so he’s had to resort to the white wine.

Dave

My wife’s wine, so it’s on the low.

Jay

He starts getting emotional, he starts breaking down into tears.

Dave

[Mock old voice] “ I loved electronics Boutique! what a classic place!”

Jay

[Mock old voice] “ When are they going to make the old N64?”

Dave

Buck Bumble and Glover!

Jay

[Mock old voice] “they only think of themselves when they bring out the mini PlayStation classic!”

Dave

Think of the children! In other news, they revealed the full roster of Super Smash Brothers. Apparently, there’s going to be 76 playable characters, and then there’s going to be more coming in a download in early 2019—so they’ve really gone to town on all Nintendo characters. There’s also like Sonic and stuff, they intercross.

Jay

Yeah, I was going to say, there’s Sonic and snake from Metal Gear Solid, which I thought was odd. Neither of them, especially Sonic, is a Nintendo character.

Dave

I know, but the amount of copies of Smash Brothers they’re going to sell probably pays for Sonic, I mean Sonic is in the doldrums of popularity, I would say. So he probably paid Smash Brothers to be in there, do you know what I mean?

Jay

[Mock voice] “Please, mister! Can I be in the roster?”

Dave

[Giggling] “It’s Sonic!”

Jay

”Do you remember me? Put me in the roster”

Dave

”I’m back! I’m back from the dead! I’m back! I used to be Mario’s enemy”. Miyamoto’s going “who the f*** are you?!”

Jay

“get the f*** out of my shop!”

Dave

Shop! Because my Miyamoto owns a shop, obviously—big Nintendo shop In the sky.

Jay

I’m impressed you got his name right, Dave.

Dave

Well yeah, I’ve been revising.

Jay

Reciting the Japanese alphabet every morning.

Dave

So quick thing Jay, if they were to add another character, who would you like? Could be anyone from gaming history, which character would you like?

Jay

How about Tomb Raider? Lara Croft would be a good one.

Dave

She would be a good one. Iconic, she’s got the guns, yeah, the double guns.

Dave

She could do the classic jumping back and for, you know like the somersault jumps.

Dave

The classic jumping! What a move.

Jay

No, you know—the original game was all about lining up jumps and shooting while jumping back and for.

Dave

Yeah, now I come to think of it she would be an excellent Smash Brothers character.

Jay

She’s definitely iconic enough, right?

Dave

Yeah, now I come to think of it, they might have even gone for her, I mean if they get Snake, who’s to say that Lara Croft wouldn’t be in the future? She might be one of the downloadables in 2019, and you’ve been a visionary then, right Jay? People will be asking you for lottery numbers.

Jay

Sam Fisher would be good, to have like a fight off against Snake.

Dave

That would be good. The game would start and you wouldn’t even see him. He could just be hiding, and then pop out.

Jay

You just hear heavy breathing.

Dave

And then everything would go dark with three green lights, that’s all we know. I had a rogue one because I wanted to bring something to the party, and he is rogue, but I think he would enhance the roster of characters. The Merchant in Resident Evil 4.

Jay

[Laughing]. This is another instance where only you and I would understand this reference, Dave. You are alienating our listeners.

Dave

Well, apart from anyone who has played Resident Evil 4. Basically the Merchant is the guy who sells you things, in a nutshell.

Jay

That is what a merchant is.

Dave

[Bursts out laughing].

Jay

There’re no shocks there!

Dave

[Mock voice] “I am the Merchant!” … What’s he going to do?! What’s he going to do?! what are you going to do to me?! “I will send your goods and you will buy goods!” Noooo! No! don’t do it, merchant!

Jay

I thought you were going to say the police would come on screen to arrest him, because he doesn’t have enough cash.

Dave

It’s a big coat so I think all his moves would be around his coat.

Jay

Yeah, maybe it could be every time he opens his coat it would be a roll of the dice.

Dave

It could be like a bazooka, or I could just be him naked, and you’re like disgusted by his genitals. you just faint. [mock old man voice] “ Here’s my willy, stranger!”. So if you’re listening Smash Brothers, 2019, downloadable characters—we want Lara Croft, and the Merchant from Resident Evil 4.

Jay

Both just as iconic, in their own rights.

Which platform should you play Red Dead Redemption on?

Dave

Ok, so moving on, I know we were going to talk about Red Dead. Have you been here in any stories about how people have been receiving it—reviews?

Jay

Well I know my friend James has got it, and he says it’s quite slow. So that is a verified common view.

Dave

I kind of like that though because it sort of like, gets rid of the chafe, you know what I mean? The casual gamers.

Jay

Are you calling James the chafe?

Dave

I feel like they’ve been weaselled out, a bit like bloodborne. [Mock voice] “aww; this is getting a bit slow, I wanna shoot stuff!” And you can shoot stuff but I feel like it’s going to be very story based. I know you and I have never played it, so we’re the least authority to speak on this, but I feel like I’ve picked up a few things on what people have liked and not liked about it, and characters remembering what you did is an interesting thing. I think that’s a very progressive thing in video games, you know like, back in the day, say if you went in a store in a video game and you smash stuff up, and then you’d go back in there, and they’d treat you just the same.

Jay

Yeah.

Dave

But in Red Dead they sort of remember what you did.

Jay

It’s good that they’re trying to evolve things in Red Dead, I’m a bit bored of the GTA format to be honest. I think it’s good that they’ve changed things.

Dave

And then the other thing, a lot of people have been going on about the Xbox One X version having the best graphics? Do you care?

Jay

Well, I heard that what happened was that when the Xbox One and the PS4 came out the narrative was that the PS4 was more powerful, and that is true.

Dave

Yeah, the base PS4.

Jay

Yeah, and the Microsoft execs wanted to end that narrative by releasing the Xbox One X—no one can now say that the PS4 is the most powerful because they could just say “oh, well the Xbox One X is the most powerful”. The thing is, I checked the price of it the other day—well, it wasn’t for me, I was trying to convince Pete to get Forza. But if you were going to buy a console now you probably wouldn’t buy the base of anything, you wouldn’t buy the Xbox One standard—you would either go for the S, or the X.

Dave

Well, pending funds.

Jay

Do you know what I mean? It feels like you would definitely have all technology if you would buy the standard version.

Dave

True, but I don’t really notice that much difference.

Jay

But you don’t have a 4K TV. The problem really comes when you have a 4K TV, you definitely notice the difference! So until I get a 4K TV I wouldn’t bother—I’m fine. But my original point was that the Xbox One X is too close to the next generation, and they’re expensive.

Dave

But in your mind you’re thinking that…

Jay

Well it, it’s more that the next gen is probably next year or the year after, do you not think? My guess is summer 2020 for the next gen, that’s my guess.

What we want from Playstation Furniture

Dave

Ok, last news story, Jay. I don’t know if you’ve seen this, but there’s been a line of PlayStation furniture released.

Jay

Yeah, well I hadn’t seen it but you told me earlier to look at it, so I have seen it [laughing]. Was it Pottery Barn, that’s released it?

Dave

Yeah. If they came to you and said “PlayStation wants a line of furniture. As a gamer, what would you like to see?” let’s just start off with the basic needs that people want. This is just something that gamers would say off the bat, which is a toilet.

Jay

Yeah, I’m not sure that would fly. I can’t imagine that the associations would be particularly profitable.

Dave

Yeah, I’m just thinking of a blue bucket with “PS” on.

Jay

[Laughing] I’ve got nothing to say about the toilet!

Dave

So wait a minute, this is a list of demands—1. Toilet. Doesn’t have to be fancy, just something that you can shit in and take out on a regular basis, right?

Jay

OK.

Dave

1. The other thing I was thinking of, because I kept thinking of these things—what about when you sit down the PlayStation starts. The furniture is the start button.

Jay

Yeah, I mean it is a lot of hassle pressing that PS4 button, the delay and everything. Also, Dave, this is a good one for you, because when you stand up it can turn off then.

Dave

Exactly!

Jay

There’s no messing around with that white flashing light that you talked about last episode.

Dave

So basically, what you’re telling me is “that’s a great idea”.

Jay

You know like iPhone has face ID, it could be something like that.

Dave

It could be like you know on phones? Where you have fingerprint ID. I could literally be your bum print, so you have to pull your pants down. You have to register your bum, and sit on the couch.

Jay

Yeah, you know like when you first register your finger and you have to lift your finger up and down tell me you’d have to bob up and down with your bum out.

Dave

Then I guess every dimple, every spot. Then if you go to purchase something they want your anus print.

Jay

I don’t even know how you get that! Just Force your cheeks apart so wide.

Dave

Maybe you sit down and then the seat spreads.

Jay

It would just start pulling it apart, grabbing it.

Dave

“Anus verified!”

Jay

[Mock voice] “Hello David!”

Dave

[Bursts out laughing]

Jay

”Welcome back, David”

Dave

”you may purchase Child of Light”

Jay

”Anus verified”

Dave

I know that might add to the cost of the furniture. Have you got anything else? Because I’ve got a list of things.

Jay

I’ve not got anything furniture related but at the same time Dave, I’m not sure a toilet is really furniture.

Dave

Maybe you can just verify my ideas and be a soundboard?

Jay

Ok, go on then.

Dave

It could vibrate, to be more immersive.

Jay

That’s quite boring though Dave, that’s been done before.

Dave

It would double up, you bring a lady back, she sits on your PlayStation couch; she thinks you’re a loser, then it starts vibrating. The remote, as well, makes noises, so maybe it could talk sweet nothings into your girlfriend’s ear—”You look nice”, into her ear. Just creepy stuff.

Jay

”What’s that perfume you’re wearing?” [laughing]

Dave

…as she’s Lying down, it just like whispers.

Jay

[Cackling] “David’s a winner, you should date David, he could provide for you”

Dave

”Five dinners a week” no, I mean a night!

Jay

A night?!

Dave

A week, hot dinners! Make sure you specify hot, no one wants cold dinners.

Dave

That’s the news, the end of the news has gone.

Jay

That was still the news?! I thought that was the f** game.

Dave

No, that was the news. The news was the furniture but it evolved into a game. But there is one more game, are you ready?

Jay

Go on.

Dave

So with Red Dead Redemption smashing all records I sort of felt sorry for other games released in that period, because if you come up against Red Dead Redemption it’s a tough thing to sell, right?

Jay

Yeah, I think the barrier for games is going up and up, I feel sorry for indie games. It’s tough these days.

Dave

Exactly. So I thought, for all those Indie games releasing the same time as Red Dead, with our wide-reaching podcast I thought we’d try to promote these games and say—why you should be playing this game over Red Dead Redemption.

Jay

OK.

Dave

So I’m going to give you a few games; I’m going to tell you what they’re about—it’s like a call to arms—why they should be playing this game over Red Dead Redemption. I mean, you know enough about Red Dead Redemption to know its pitfalls. And I’m hoping by the short descriptions I give you, that you will know enough about the games I give you.

Jay

Am I going to recognise these games?

Dave

No [sniggers]. These are games that have just come out at the wrong time; the wrong place. But there is a market—even if you convince one or two people. There are people going in to buy Red Dead but they’re going “oh, Jay did make a good point about that game. Maybe I’ll just go on Steam and download this game”. OK, are you ready? The first game is called Orphan. And Orphan is a 2D sci-fi platformer about a young boy who may be the last survivor of an alien invasion. So under the cover of night, he ventures out in the search for other life and seeks revenge against the machines that have taken over the earth. You should play orphan over Red Dead Redemption because…

Jay

[Giggling] you should play orphan over Red Dead Redemption because there are too many 3 dimensional games these days.

Dave

[Bursts out laughing].

Jay

Don’t you miss the 2 dimensions?

Dave

Sometimes 2 dimensions spoil the broth, right?

Jay

Too many dimensions spoil the broth.

Dave

It says he ventures out. He’s the last young boy.

Jay

Yeah, are you fed up of…characters… that get in the way of your mission. Do you want to interact with less playable characters? Then Orphan is the game for you.

Dave

I would be thinking about it now. I think you should give one to me, even though you don’t have the list in front of you. You know, they might be on their way to the shop right now; they might be listening to this podcast and they do a quick u-turn, like a screech of the car. They were going to their local game store.

Jay

[sniggering] well they could because the game I’m about to give you is a DLC game, or ‘downloadable content’ for those that are not in ‘the know’.

Dave

So we’re reaching out to all the owners of the original game, right?

Jay

Yeah, we’re trying to tempt them back, you could say.

Dave

What’s the game name?

Jay

It’s called ‘The Barents Sea King Crab’.

Dave

OK, so someone who’s got that game.

Jay

…has at some point got bored of the fishing. They’ve caught enough fish and they think ‘I don’t need to fish anymore, I’ve got my catch’

Dave

Time for Red Dead, right?

Jay

So it’s commercial fishing on the Barents sea.

Dave

Dunno where that is. It’s a made-up sea.

Jay

Maybe it is; maybe it isn’t. What you can do is you can take the helm of your very own fishing boat. Nobody elses; your very own.

Dave

Yeah, where’s Red Dead’s fishing boat?

Jay

And you can explore the vastness of the sea.

Dave

That’s developer speak for ‘there’s nothing going on’.

Jay

You can explore the empty space they created. You’re in search for the very best fishing zones. I’ll be honest with you, you do start off small.

Dave

Yeah? I like that. It’s like a GTA story already then, you start off small and you work your way to the top; the ultimate fishing vessel.

Jay

Yeah well they’ve got to give you incentive, right? They can’t just give you the biggest boat in the sea.

Dave

No.

Jay

So you do start off small, maybe you get a small fishing boat or something. The incentive is that you can earn officially licensed scanmar equipment, and also officially licensed Hermes trawler equipment.

Dave

So from my understanding the DLC; from what I’ve read and what I’ve heard in the news (very small media coverage) is the DLC offers you two new fishing boats to be able to explore the sea—so whether those boats are faster or more nimble, or just better at scouting out fishing zones.

Jay

Bear in mind it does totally change the feel of the game, having those two boats.

Dave

So my argument to Red Dead fans. You’re going into the shop and you think “I’ve had enough of fishing zones. Well, you haven’t because the DLC is coming out. These vessels will basically allow you to find a more lucrative fish. So I know Red Dead has fishing…

Jay

I’m going to play Devil’s Advocate here, Dave…

Dave

Because all the Red Dead people are shouting at me “Dave, Dave, Red Dead has fishing”—but can you get the officially licensed scanmar equipment? Can you get the offically licensed Hermes trawler? No

Jay

There are no trawlers in Red Dead.

Dave

You’re just doing yourself a disservice by jumping ship to Red Dead.

Jay

You’ll just be riding your fucking horse there, with a picnic and your fucking fishing rod.

Dave

You’re only going to be disappointed.

Jay

You could be sailing the seas with a trawler looking boss on the deck.

Dave

Thing is you’re used to the vastness of the Barents sea. There’s too much going on in Red Dead for your mind to comprehend. The vastness is what you keep coming back to; you want the empty sea.

So I think we’ve come to the end of this week’s podcast Jay, have you had a good time?

Jay

Yeah I’ve had a good time.

Dave

And I hope Jay’s apology, even though it wasn’t a real apology, has done enough to heal the wounds that he’s caused. Goodnight from me.

Jay

Goodnight or maybe good morning from me. If you enjoyed the show you can tweet us at IDHTTGA on Twitter, or you can star, heart, or favourite us on your podcast app of choice, or you can rate us on iTunes.